I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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