no, he came in my armpit
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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