Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
BRING THE BAGELS
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize