my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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