I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Randomize
