I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
