420 ftw
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
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