Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
