i think my mom watched the whole time
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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