She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Randomize
