I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Randomize
