isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I forget how to act sober
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
