Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
