I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
