Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
