At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
