I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Randomize
