I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Randomize
