a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
