Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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