i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
