I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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