My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Randomize
