turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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