I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Randomize
