He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
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