Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
