Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
