i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize