Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
