I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize