i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
You dont lie about slip and slides
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
i need to put some appletini on your dick
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
