One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I am one with the molecules
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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