Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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