Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
