i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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