Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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