it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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