you guys were way drunker than both of me
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
