I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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