Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
