Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Randomize
