I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
