No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
