Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
