The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Too much gin, very little bucket
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
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