From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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