My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize