I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
