Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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