So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize