I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
