I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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