On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize