Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
He is an equal opportunity slut.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Mom said you looked used
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Randomize
