do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Randomize
