i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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