Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I need help removing her.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
