I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Randomize
