if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I wish life had little blips of pornography
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
