go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
