Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Randomize
