so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
