It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
