nut hugger
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
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