haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize
