So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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