there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
