It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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