Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
