Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
