Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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