Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
