More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize