I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
operation have a gay friend backfired
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
