Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
