four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
