hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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