he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
