he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
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