can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
