I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
there was a trapeze. enough said
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
