no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
