the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
